Can we be honest here? None of us are, have been, or will ever be perfect parents...(I'm counting myself as a parent here since my wife is about 38.5 weeks and having contractions and Hudson might be here by the time you read this!) I haven't been able to identify the perfect parent so I can be their apprentice. Furthermore, none of us have had perfect parents. For some of us that is pretty easy to admit. For others of us, our parents are our heroes. The fact of the matter is that imperfect people never had the ability to be perfect parents in the first place. Heck, I’m not even a parent yet(much less the parent of a hormonal teen)! So before you jump all over me for even trying to discuss parenting teenagers, give me a chance.
I have caught myself thinking of what it will be like to one day be a parent. I have thought of the things I want to instill in my kids and what I want to provide them with. I thought of taking them on great vacations to bond, playing baseball in the summers, buying them a car when they turn sixteen, and sending them to college to get an education. All great things right? And then, I had one of those encounters with scripture that reminds you your priorities are all screwed up. You know? One of those encounters where God gently tries to remind you that he is in charge. That moment came when I had this encounter with The Shema (which means hear or listen). This is the passage recited twice a day by Hebrews taken from Deuteronomy 6:4-9.
“Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”
Somewhere along the line culture handed us a ruler by which to measure success as a parent. Over time I began to think that college and career were the most important. It’s not that they’re not important, it’s just that they’re not what’s most important. I’m to impress on my children that the Lord is one, and it’s our call to love Him with everything we have.
When Moses speaks these words, the people are standing before the Promised Land about to start a new part of their history. Moses won’t make it and so he uses this time to pass on what he feels is most important to the people of Israel as they march forward. He is fighting for faith, and he is fighting for the coming generations of faith because he knows the danger of having a generation lose its faith. To this point, Israel understood its faith in terms of rules (just try and read Leviticus). “Moses is establishing a new commandment that supersedes all commandments. This new rule implies something is more important than the rules. It elevates the significance of a relationship with God above all else, indicating that our motive for obedience should mature beyond our fear or reverence. Moses was warning the people about the danger of passing down rules without the context of a loving relationship.”[1]
The danger of passing down rules, practices, or truth outside the context of genuine, compelling love is that you establish an empty religion. No wonder so many teens are leaving the church when they graduate high school. Surveys estimate anywhere from 60-80% of teens leave the church for good by age 23.
How do we bring these numbers down, and how do we combat the danger of passing down an empty religion that no longer sticks to the hearts of our teens? I think the Shema is cluing us into exactly what we can do. Our students need us to make faith personal in our own lives in order for them to believe it is worth doing in their lives. Moses feared what has happened with faith and religion in our culture. We have compartmentalized faith. That is to say that God only gets a small part of our lives. Moses feared God would be marginalized in our lives to only part of the day, then perhaps only to part of the week, and finally to just part of the month. Our tendency is to segment God into an isolated category of our lives instead of viewing him as the binding force that holds all of life together.[2]
In essence, Moses was worried about us letting life get out of rhythm. I think if there is anything you can do as an imperfect parent, it is to strive to create a rhythm in your home bent on impressing the truths about God in the hearts of your children. Moses doesn’t give parents a systematic process or formula for creating children who love the Lord. Instead, he hands them the responsibility of presenting the truths of who God is, refining and adapting their presentations along the way until there is actual learning. What he gave them that day was a strategy to create the rhythm of faith, not a formula. His strategy – talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
Rhythm is an important part of life. We sleep each night, and we try to give our kids a routine based on the rhythm of life. We feel it is important in growth and development, so why aren’t we trying to create rhythms in our family that create and facilitate spiritual growth and development? Are we out of rhythm as families in a busy culture? I think one of the best gifts I can someday give my children is the purpose to create a spiritual rhythm in my home where they see my faith is real, and I’ll be praying that it becomes real for them too.
Parenting, like all tasks under the sun, is intended as an endeavor of love, risk, perseverance, and, above all, faith. It is faith rather than formula, grace rather than guarantees, steadfastness rather than success that bridges the gap between our own parenting efforts, and what, by God's grace, our children grow up to become. We will parent imperfectly, our children will make their own choices, and God will mysteriously and wondrously use it all to advance his kingdom.[3]
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