The Discipline of Solitude

Our society has taught us that true punishment happens in solitude, when we are left to ourselves.  Kids have to go to timeout, teenagers struggle as outcasts, single parents feel completely alone, the worst criminals are given to solitary confinement, and the elderly fear that they will be left alone in a nursing home.  Society has taught us to fear that idea that we could be left alone.  

And so, out of fear, we often move toward noise and crowds.  Next time you walk through the mall or a crowded area, look for people who are alone.  Most of them will either be playing on their phone, reading something, or doing anything to keep from looking like they have been left alone.  The earbuds are the usual tool for deflecting loneliness in teenagers, anything to keep from being condemned to silence.  

So, out of the fear of being left alone, we stay busy.  We lack the kind of solitude that we as Christians need to stay centered.  We need the kind of inner solitude[1] that leads to fulfillment.  Loneliness is inner emptiness, but solitude is inner fulfillment.  If we possess inner solitude it keeps us from the fear of being alone. 

The fear of being alone keeps us from practicing the discipline of solitude.  I think that’s a fair statement, right?  It is for me anyway.  But beyond that fear is something even more difficult for most of us to overcome.  It is that we not only are drawn to crowds, but also to noise.  We simply do not know how to practice silence.  If solitude is the means, then the end would be an encounter where God speaks into our lives and we listen.  But the act of listening (and this is where most of us stumble) involves the absence of speech.  The kind of silence we are talking about is the kind where we hear God.  So to simply refrain from talking without listening to God is not silence.  Our distractions have to be silenced.  Our pride in ourselves has to be silenced.  Our need for self-justification has to be silenced. 

But what does self-justification have to do with solitude.  Richard Foster puts it like this – “One reason we can hardly bear to remain silent is that it makes us feel so helpless.  We are so accustomed to relying upon words to manage and control others.  If we are silent, who will take control?  God will take control, but we will never let him take control until we trust him.  Silence is intimately related to trust.”

Solitude is a discipline we must practice.  It is where God does some of his most important work on our souls.  “Every distraction of the body, mind, and spirit must be put into a kind of suspended animation before this deep work of God upon the soul can occur.  It is like an operation in which the anesthetic must take effect before the surgery can be performed.”

So, how crowded and how noisy is your life?  How crowded and noisy is the life of your family?  Jesus purposefully made time for solitude with God (Matthew 4:1-11, Luke 6:12, Matthew 14:13, Matthew 14:23, Mark 1:35, Mark 6:31, Luke 5:16, Matthew 17:1-9, Matthew 26:36-46).  If he needed solitude (inner fulfillment), how much more do we need to separate ourselves from the noise and crowds of life so we can listen to him speak into our lives?  How much more do teenagers need this solitude as they grow and develop spiritually amidst a world of temptation and mediocrity?

We should know that when we are alone, we are not alone. 

“Settle yourself in solitude and you will come upon Him in yourself”  -Teresa of Avila

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[1] For more on the idea of inner solitude, see Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster.