Spiritual Triggers

Anybody out there have a bad habit you'd love to kick?  Whether it's biting your nails, the urge to quit smoking, or stop eating snacks while you watch TV, habits are tough to kick.  It seems that we all have bad habits we are trying to quit, and at the same time, we are trying to create new habits that seem so difficult to develop as a part of our regular routine...the diet, exercise, reading scripture, going to bed at a decent hour...I know you can all relate in some way or another.

I recently read an article from a CBS news site (read the full article here - http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2012-08-07/features/sns-201208071730--tms--pagliarictnrp-a20120807-20120807_1_habit-automatic-behaviors-snacks)  that estimates "that anywhere between 75 percent and 90 percent of our daily behavior is habitual.  In other words, most of what we do is not because it is the most efficient, most successful, or most productive, but simply because we've always done it that way."

As soon as I read this statement, I thought about the church and the spiritual implications of this article, especially for teenagers.  Pagliarni goes on to say, "most of our daily routine is conducted unconsciously...If our life is already on autopilot, doesn't it make sense to spend some conscious effort planning the route?"

Thinking about my life spiritually, I need that conscious effort because Satan is certainly good at distracting me with the sin of busyness.  I can run through a whole day, hit the hay, and wake up and do it all again without even thinking twice.  Not only am I operating out of my habitual nature, but I am certainly less aware of the ways God is so desperately trying to speak into my life and create a new awareness that His love should be more a part of my day than anything else.

Want busyness?  Just look at your own life...especially if you are the parent of teenagers, or multiple teenagers for that matter.  Yeah, that car you bought a year ago...it already has 33k miles.  Even scarier, our teenagers are learning that the busier you appear to be, the more productive you must be.  But, our habits seem to be driving us instead of God.  When I end up where my habits take me without being aware, I'm usually embarrassed or ashamed of the destination.  So really, in a busy world, how can I actually create good habits and get rid of the ones I'm not too proud to share with the world?

"If we don't have a new behavior that replaces the old, we will take the path of least resistance and revert back to the old behavior.  The solution then, is not to break the habit, but to replace it."  Ouch.  That felt a little too personal.

Alright, so how do we do this together?  Creating new habits takes three elements: motivation, ability, and a trigger.  Most self-help books or coaches start with motivation, but we can be excited about starting a new habit without actually doing it.  Anybody ever bought a bike planning to ride it each morning before work???  (ouch...again)

The article suggests we start at a new place...the trigger.  Most of us have the motivation and the ability.    Think with me spiritually.  My motivation to create new habits beneficial to my spiritual health is obvious...I want to honor God, I want to grow in Christ, I want to lead my family, I want to spread the Gospel, etc.  If I believe scripture, then I have the ability because God is constantly equipping me for each task He calls me to carry out.  I'm sure most of you reading this feel pretty much the same, but have the same honest struggles.  "The trigger is the reminder, the call to action, or the cue to take notice or do something...The key then, is to create at least one trigger for each new habit you want to create.  Use the environment as much as possible.  In the jogging example, I've coached people to leave their workout shorts and shoes next to their bed so their trigger is that they literally step into their jogging gear as they get out of bed."

Spiritual triggers...we need them, we could all use them, and our teenagers could develop great habits for their lives spiritually if we set them in a good direction, toward a great destination.  What triggers can you create for yourself personally?  How can we develop spiritual triggers for our families and the time we spend together?

Maybe Steph will let me put my bike next to the bed each night???

The Discipline of Solitude

Our society has taught us that true punishment happens in solitude, when we are left to ourselves.  Kids have to go to timeout, teenagers struggle as outcasts, single parents feel completely alone, the worst criminals are given to solitary confinement, and the elderly fear that they will be left alone in a nursing home.  Society has taught us to fear that idea that we could be left alone.  

And so, out of fear, we often move toward noise and crowds.  Next time you walk through the mall or a crowded area, look for people who are alone.  Most of them will either be playing on their phone, reading something, or doing anything to keep from looking like they have been left alone.  The earbuds are the usual tool for deflecting loneliness in teenagers, anything to keep from being condemned to silence.  

So, out of the fear of being left alone, we stay busy.  We lack the kind of solitude that we as Christians need to stay centered.  We need the kind of inner solitude[1] that leads to fulfillment.  Loneliness is inner emptiness, but solitude is inner fulfillment.  If we possess inner solitude it keeps us from the fear of being alone. 

The fear of being alone keeps us from practicing the discipline of solitude.  I think that’s a fair statement, right?  It is for me anyway.  But beyond that fear is something even more difficult for most of us to overcome.  It is that we not only are drawn to crowds, but also to noise.  We simply do not know how to practice silence.  If solitude is the means, then the end would be an encounter where God speaks into our lives and we listen.  But the act of listening (and this is where most of us stumble) involves the absence of speech.  The kind of silence we are talking about is the kind where we hear God.  So to simply refrain from talking without listening to God is not silence.  Our distractions have to be silenced.  Our pride in ourselves has to be silenced.  Our need for self-justification has to be silenced. 

But what does self-justification have to do with solitude.  Richard Foster puts it like this – “One reason we can hardly bear to remain silent is that it makes us feel so helpless.  We are so accustomed to relying upon words to manage and control others.  If we are silent, who will take control?  God will take control, but we will never let him take control until we trust him.  Silence is intimately related to trust.”

Solitude is a discipline we must practice.  It is where God does some of his most important work on our souls.  “Every distraction of the body, mind, and spirit must be put into a kind of suspended animation before this deep work of God upon the soul can occur.  It is like an operation in which the anesthetic must take effect before the surgery can be performed.”

So, how crowded and how noisy is your life?  How crowded and noisy is the life of your family?  Jesus purposefully made time for solitude with God (Matthew 4:1-11, Luke 6:12, Matthew 14:13, Matthew 14:23, Mark 1:35, Mark 6:31, Luke 5:16, Matthew 17:1-9, Matthew 26:36-46).  If he needed solitude (inner fulfillment), how much more do we need to separate ourselves from the noise and crowds of life so we can listen to him speak into our lives?  How much more do teenagers need this solitude as they grow and develop spiritually amidst a world of temptation and mediocrity?

We should know that when we are alone, we are not alone. 

“Settle yourself in solitude and you will come upon Him in yourself”  -Teresa of Avila

---

[1] For more on the idea of inner solitude, see Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster.  

Pray the Cliche...

Have you ever stopped to think about what we pray in church?  It's almost as if there is a prescribed way to pray when we our in church.  Somehow, our brain tingles a little bit differently, our vocabulary sounds like the seventh page of the SAT's, and our voice takes on a sort of Shakespearian tone.  Sounds familiar doesn't it?  One thing is for sure when we pray in church...We certainly pray the cliche.  

(clears throat, assumes perfect posture, bows head, and closes eyes)

"Dear Lord, be with us now in these moments because we know, Lord, that where two or three are gathered in Your name, there you are in there midst, Lord.  Just help me to let go and let God.  May I love the sinner  but hate the sin.  Help me to get right so I don't get left.  I mean, I've got to stand for something or I'll fall for anything.  I know you love me just as I am, but too much to leave me there.  Bring a fresh move of Your Spirit so all of us believers can stand in the gap as You raise up a new generation.  Yes, Lord, Your pain is definitely my gain.  Amen." ([re]UNDERSTANDING Prayer by Kyle Lake, pg. xxii)

Ouch.  That really hurts.  Especially since that is exactly what I have done from time to time in my life.  Whenever I am empty and void of true and honest communion with God, I can always pray the cliche.  I keep it in my back pocket in case I need it somewhere.  I can pull out the youth friendly version, the senior adult version, the suit and tie version, and the hurry-pray-before-somone-takes-a-bite-version!

What I have discovered in my up and down prayer life is that simple prayer goes a long way.  Take a look at the Lord's Prayer for instance.  It's about simple everyday needs.  It's about our place before God.  It's also about who God is and what he wants from us.  It is a plea to God to be faithful to his promise.  I have taken time the last few days to move deeper into the Lord's Prayer.  So far, I am stuck on the first two words - "Our Father."  There is so much richness in those two words that I have sat right in the midst of them this past week.  So many verses, emotions, feelings, remembrances have billowed out of my soul this week just in thinking of those two words.  I cannot tell you how much I have prayed those words over and over this past week.  And, I feel like my prayer life has grown tremendously.  It's as if those words of Jesus have now become the very echo of my soul, and they carry me.  Simply awesome!

But the journey to these two words has not been easy.  I've had to leave cliches, my favorite Christian phrases, and my prayer reflexes behind.  What has kept me from this journey?  I think my upbringing has scripted for me what the drama of my prayer life is supposed to be.  I'm supposed to pray at particular times, with particular words, and for particular things.  But this journey has moved me far beyond these lies.  Just like I can act like I'm supposed to for certain situations and people, I can pray like I'm supposed to for certain situations and people.  Somewhere along the way I was fed a lie.  It's a lie that tells me I'm supposed to have everything together before I pray.  I think this is a particularly big struggle for our teens.  Then I found freedom in prayer.  Richard Foster put it this way - "We pray by grace just as we are saved by grace.  God has a relationship with us despite our sinfulness, mixed motives, and selfish nature."

Over this past week, I have laid before God what is in me, not what ought to be in me.  I have learned prayer simply by praying.  I'll put it to you this way.  If you've got kids or have been a kid (are we missing anyone?) then at some point you created some pretty awful artwork.  But when you brought it home, your parents thought it was the greatest thing ever.  They put that junk all over the fridge removing any chance of your house ever being featured in Southern Living.  It was museum worthy to them, especially if it had anything to do with them or said "To: Mom" or "To: Dad," "From: Ross (insert your name or your child's here to make sense of this!)  It was better than anything they had ever seen.  Well if we go back to those first two words, "Our Father," then I suppose we are God's children.  I would imagine I have quite a few awful prayer drawings slapped up on God's fridge.  And because I put his name on them, I know he is a proud Father.  Not to mention I'm sure he's not worried about living anywhere in the southern vicinity, if you catch my drift.

The point is simple.  Simply pray, and pray simply.  Do an experiment with your teens or as a family.  Walk through the Lord's Prayer a couple words a week.  Meditate and talk together in the way Jesus taught us to pray.  I had plans for moving on next week, but I'm not sure I'm past "Our Father."

Who? What? When? Where? Why?

I've always been a casual reader of a few blogs.  I've never followed any consistently or felt like I needed to keep up with reading them.  For me, I just like to read a good post every now and then when I come across something that I feel is worth my time.  Also, I'm not a super creative person who can put together a sweet looking blog that people will flock to.  However, doing some reading today, I felt like our Student Ministry needed to better connect parents and their teenagers, youth workers and our teenagers, and parents and our ministry.  For that reason, I decided to try out the blogging world.

Who?

Who is this blog for?  This blog will really be about connecting parents, youth workers, and myself to the efforts of our ministry.  Hopefully we will be able to better communicate, and you will know what your teenager is experiencing while they are here at church.  This blog will aim to help you as a parent continue to connect with your child's faith journey.

What?

What will we do here?  This blog will contain thoughts, ideas, and questions that grow from my interaction with your teenagers.  It will also be a place where you can ask questions about what is happening in our ministry.  My hope is to connect you to the things your students are learning and doing.  For example, I hope to post discussion questions for you and your teenager that will grow from sermons and Bible studies that take place on Wednesday nights or Sunday mornings.  This way, you connect with your teen on the spiritual plane, and your teen is continually pushed to think about and apply what we do at church.  This way, we can create a consistency in your student's faith both at home and at church.

When?

I plan to post once every couple of weeks to give you thoughts as a parent, discussion prompters for you and your teen, and any other topics God lays on my heart.  Hopefully this blog will serve as a platform for encouragement, challenge, and community for parents raising teens.

Where?

The internet of course.  Your teens connect through the internet and you do too if you are reading this.  This is the simplest, most convenient way for us to keep in touch, especially as our ministry continues to grow.  Also along the way, I hope to point you in the direction of some helpful resources to help you and your teen connect.

Why?

The goal of our ministry is that teens will "own" their faith.  By the time they leave our church, we want kids firm in their faith.  When they leave here, they will continue a relationship with the church and grow in Christ.  The more you and I can continue to connect spiritually with our teenagers, the more likely the chances that their faith will continue to mature and grow.

So, this begins our blogging experience together.  Toss out ideas, ask questions, and minister to teens.  That's what this is all about.  Teenagers process truth relationally.  The more we can connect with them, the more likely they will be to own their faith.